Royal Baby Drinking Game:
1. Queen arrives with a ‘If you think I’m cute you should see my Great Grandma t-shirt’ = double shot of Drambuie.
2. Camilla is seen ducking out for a ciggie = pint of warm lager.
3. Carol Middleton seen sticking her chewing gum under a table in the hospital cafeteria = white wine spritzer.
4. Harry seen chatting up a nurse = gallon of Pimm’s Punch.
5. Prince Charles waves gormlessly at the press = pint of shandy.
6. Beatrice & Eugenie arrive wearing hats that remind you inbreeding is still a thing among the Windsors = litre bottle of apple cider.
7. Prince Phillip says something inappropriate to the assembled media about Kate’s dilation = Plymouth gin martini, extra dry.
8. Fergie tries to smuggle her way in via a trolley of hospital laundry, then attempts to sell the story = finger of scotch, neat.
9. Pippa caught taking selfies in the dispensary = six pack of Hooper’s Hooch, or Bacardi Breezers at a pinch.
10. Big Ben’s bells reprogrammed to play Fatboy Slim’s remix of ‘I See You Baby’ = half bottle of Beefeater Gin.
11. World media replay images of Diana holding William on the hospital steps as they head home = smack yourself over the head with a bottle of Tanqueray.